Hi all,
We, mothers had just celebrated mother's day about two weeks ago. What's there to celebrate? Some attention from the children and that we were being fussed about on that day. Actually,that's what really matters to the many of us. We want them to always keep a little space in their thoughts about us. We want them to be beside us to share their innermost feelings with us. We want them to remain our babies forever even though that was impossible to happen. We saw them grew up right before our eyes and there's nothing we could do about it.
Sitting down alone after a collect call from Sophie a couple of days ago, and listening to her animated voice telling me about her hectic daily (college) schedule, got me thinking how time flies, I mean really flies. It seems like yesterday, when she and my three other kids were just running around playing hide and seek or pulling my hand gently asking for milk or getting excited about their first day of school. Those were the days when we thought why didn't we all have four hands.Two ain't enough! Boy, we hardly had any time to breathe luxuriously, let alone a time for ourselves.
I remembered the first time when I went into labour twenty four years ago with my first child, Ariff. The pain was excruciating. Everyone was saying the same thing. After the labour, you'd swore to never having another baby again, which is partly true but soon after that you started thinking about having another. Since the baby was 2 weeks overdue, the doctors had to induce me (medical term for accelerating the delivery process). I was admitted since 0800hrs and had to lie down on the hospital bed throughout the day. It was quite a smooth process actually. Not too much pain involved. Doctors came and went until about six something in the evening when one of them said I was nearly ready to deliver.The contraction came and went. A male doctor put a strap with a thermometer-like gadget on my belly and started counting. I asked him what was he doing. Counting the baby's heart beat, he said. Then as an afterthought, he asked me if I knew what sex my baby was. I said no I dont. I want it to be a surprise as this was to be my first. He went on again mocking me, if you wish to know your baby's sex, just count the heart beat per minute. If the pace is slower per minute (I can't remember the counting), then it's a boy and if the pace is faster then it's a girl. After he left, I thought what the heck, the baby will arrive very soon anyway, let's try and count. I counted and what do you know. It's a boy! I mean, my instinct was right all along, I even called him his name even though I never knew it would be a boy since I never let the doctor to tell me whenever they did the ultrasound on my belly during my 9 months of pregnancy.
By seven something the pain was starting to get worse but I can still bear it. When I was about ready to deliver, the nurses were looking for the doctor but he wasn't around. Believe it or not, he went back to doctor's quarters to hit the shower. Seriously! They paged for him and other doctors but everyone was busy. I was left in the capable hands of the nurses. I delivered safely a boy at about 7.23pm, that was to be my first son. The story didn't finish there. I started feeling another pain inside but I don't know what. Again the nurses paged for the doctor to hurry over as my placenta was stuck inside and wouldn't come out. By now I was sobbing quietly. The nurses took pity on me and sedate with something and soon I fell asleep while they waited for the doctor to attend to me. I got my consciousness well after 10pm.
My second one was also a boy, Soffian. This time I chose a private maternity clinic as I was still traumatized by the first experience I had at the general hospital. The same process had been applied as I wasn't able to give birth naturally. I had to be induced again. While the drips was taking effect slowly, I brought out a book and started to read. My doctor came and saw me reading. I can see a lopsided grin on his face. I asked why was he smiling. He said, throughout his many years of being an obstetrician, I was the first person doing the reading while in labour. After checking the opening, he said I will be putting away the book in not too long now. True to his words, I started having serious pain after about an hour. I gripped my husband's hand and said to him, you have to be with me when I am about to deliver. He promised me he would.
Soon after,I was wheeled into the labour room with my husband by my side. By now, the pain was out of this world. I was clutching my husband's hand tightly. I closed my eyes and started pushing following the doctor's command.
Then the miracle happened. It was as if out of nowhere the baby appeared. They wiped him and placed him on my chest for a few minutes. I choked on my tears of happiness.
I looked around for my husband but he was nowhere to be seen. I asked Patricia, the head nurse where my husband was. She said he went out sometime ago when he saw blood oozing out. Hemm..who's in pain actually..
Two years later when I got pregnant with Sophie, I was hoping against hope that this time we will get a baby girl. And this time around, I did the sonogram and asked to be told of the baby's sex. It's a girl. But this time I didn't want to deliver the natural way. Reason being, after my two sons were born, I had a bad hemorrhoids. I was bleeding profusely and I can't sleep or walk or sit properly. I was suffering terribly but I was too ashamed to inform the doctors so I kept it to myself and bear with it after each delivery. So, I promised myself that if I were to get pregnant again I would try some other way. I consult with the same obstetrician and he told me to try out the epidural way. They told me that I would be conscious throughout the delivery process but I will be anesthetized from my hips below. Therefore I wouldn't feel any pain. I agreed right away. Silly me. I was to realize later that it doesn't stop the hemorrhoids from recurring since I still need to push the baby out, pain or no pain. The only consolation was that it helped a little with decreasing the labour pain but the hemorrhage won't leave me. It usually subsided and healed after about a year. But the best thing that appeared through all the challenges, came my little princess, Sophie. The pain was nothing when compared to the little creature placed on my chest.
The last was to be Sara. Before her, I had a miscarriage when the baby was about 3 months in my womb. I cried my heart out because I thought she could feel that she wasn't welcome to be with me. I was feeling guilty towards Sophie as she herself was just a baby and I was pregnant with yet another child. I had many things on my mind and my beloved grandmother was dying. I went home to visit her and stayed for two nites but we had to leave as my husband had to be back at work. We came back to Langkawi and the moment we reached home, I felt something watery running down my legs. Pulling up my pants, I saw blood rushing down. I knew then that I had a miscarriage. I also received a news that my grandmother passed away and the first thing that came to my mind was that I can't be at her funeral. The person I loved the most in this whole wide world and I can't be with her to bid my last farewell. I cried for days and not caring about my health. I can feel that every one back at my grandma's home would be talking about me for not presenting myself at least for a while to see her for the last time. How can I be, I am sick myself.
Soon after that I was to have Sara. This time I thought of doing the C-section. I told the same doctor again that I wanted to deliver that way. Why, why, why was all he asked, many times. I said I don't want to have to go through the pain again (not telling him about my hemorrhoids.) He said it will ruin my skin since my skin was without any stretch marks and that I could easily deliver normally. I was adamant about it. So we agreed that I was to deliver my last baby via C-section. I was glad I chose this options. It was painless, and relaxing and just plain great. Only thing is, I was conscious the whole time they were processing on me. I was lying on that clinic bed half naked and a few male doctors with nurses were chatting away about the breakfast they had had that morning. Like, hello guys, I am still here! Does anybody care about me? Then, all of a sudden, when my eyes were wondering wildly across the room, I looked up the ceiling and saw the spotlight( I don't know the actual term name for that light) clear as a glass. It reflected on my belly and they had just cut opened. I nearly panic and breathed heavily. The doctors turned to look at me and asked what was wrong. Was I in pain. I pointed my finger to the light above. They had just realized about it and asked me to look somewhere else while they quickly grabbed a steel bar and placed around me and covered it with a cloth. I was still in shock when a while later they presented me with my last bundle of joy, Sara. I kissed her long and hard and say my gratitude towards Him for bestowing upon me four precious gems that was to bring me joy later in years.
Ladies, who ever says women are weak. We are some kind of heroes that had to battle on our own without fear to bring another human being into this world. That required a great courage and total strength to do what we did. So children, love, care and respect are all that we asked from you. We love you children of the world.
Good nite to moms and courageous women all over the world.
Rose
24th.May '13
