Salam buat semua terutama buat anak-anak perempuan diluar sana.
Hari ni mak cik Rose nak cakap pasal sex. Sebelum tu saya nak minta maaf kepada semua ibu-bapa sekiranya tulisan saya ini menyinggung perasaan anda semua. Walaupun perkataan ini jarang kita ungkapkan terutamanya dihadapan anak-anak, tetapi saya rasa sudah sampai masanya kita mengenepikan perasaan malu dan tidak selesa dan memberi sedikit nasihat berkaitan perkara ini memandangkan keadaan diluar sana yang semakin parah.
Anak-anak, remaja adalah masa dimana kita selalunya membuat sesuatu perkara mengikut perasaan bukan akal fikiran. Akibatnya kita akan menurut perasaan seperti perasaan ingin tahu, perasaan ingin mencuba dan juga perasaan sayang kepada teman lelaki yang membawa anak-anak membuat satu kesilapan yang besar.
Disini mak cik Rose tak payah nak terangkan pasal dosa dan pahala kerana perkara ini dah terlalu umum untuk kita bincangkan. Semua tahu dosa berzina adalah salah satu daripada tujuh dosa besar. Apa yang ingin mak cik Rose bincangkan ialah, katakan setelah kita menjalin hubungan sex dengan teman lelaki kita (si lelaki tadi dah tentu-tentu nya happy sebab dah dapat kita), selepas sebulan kita mendapati diri kita hamil. Apa kita nak buat? Bunyi soalannya amat mudah. Tetapi inilah masa yang paling "crucial". Perasaan pertama yang kita rasa, mungkin panik, lepas tu takut,lepas tu sedih dan seterusnya semua perasaan akan datang yang membuatkan fikiran lebih bercelaru.
Kita call boyfriend tadi dan bagitau dia, senang saja dia cakap. Gugurkan kandungan itu.Kita dah melakukan satu dosa besar dengan hubungan sex itu tadi dan sekarang kita nak gugurkan pulak kandungan tu. Ini akan menambahkan dosa kita menjadi dosa besar yang kedua.
Didalam sepuluh orang lelaki yang mempunyai hubungan dengan wanita, mungkin 2 atau 3 orang sahaja yang akan bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya keatas perlakuannya tadi. Jadi bolehkah kita berharap kepada mereka?
Ini belum masuk bab malu lagi. Malu diri kita sendiri dan malu kepada ibu bapa. Anak-anak mak cik Rose dah banyak kali bila balik dari sekolah bagitau, "mama tau dak tadi kat sekolah, si polan si polan tu dah mengandung. Gambar dia buat hubungan sex ada dalam kamera telefon kawan kami". Ini baru disekolah. Kita dah rasa malu yang amat sangat sebab kawan-kawan semua dah tengok gambar kita belum lagi kat kampong. Silap haribulan, kita berhenti sekolah sebab tak tertanggung rasa malu.Bukankah ini akan menyebabkan masa depan yang cerah bertukar menjadi gelap?
Bayangkan perasaan anak-anak sendiri sekiranya ia terjadi kepada diri anda. Kepada siapa kita nak mengadu? Kita tinggal di Malaysia dan orang kita selalunya akan mengata dan menghina anak-anak perempuan yang terjebak didalam kes seperti ini. Ada banyak lagi dosa besar seperti arak atau berjudi yang orang Islam lakukan, tetapi berzina adalah sesuatu yang orang kita akan mencemik muka terhadap kita. Bolehkah kita lalui hari-hari kita dengan tenang?
Bila kita cuba beritahu makbapa, maki hamun yang kita terima. Terutamanya ayah kita. Amat sukar bagi kaum bapa untuk menerima kesilapan anak mereka apabila berkaitan dengan kes sebegini. Saya rasa masih ramai ibu bapa yang tidak akan mahu mendengar penjelasan anak-anak mereka sebaliknya penampar atau tendangan yang akan diterima oleh anak-anak ini. Memang betul, anak-anak kita telah melakukan sesuatu yang amat memalukan kita sebagai ibu bapa, tetapi kalau kita sendiri memaling muka daripada menolong mereka, siapa lagi yang ada untuk mereka mengadu. Inilah salah satu sebab mengapa kita lihat banyak kes pembuangan bayi dimerata-rata tempat sampaikan sanggup buang anak kat dalam tong sampah. Mereka dah hilang arah, tak tahu apa nak buat lagi disebabkan cemuhan dan perasaan takut itu tadi.
Sebagai ibubapa, kita harus bersikap rasional, buruk baik pun anak kita juga, kalau nak ikut mulut orang, berpecah belah lah rumahtangga kita. Biarlah apa orang nak kata, bagi pihak kita, kita boleh menolong anak dengan membawa mereka ke rumah perlindungan yang banyak dibangunkan untuk menolong anak-anak gadis ini. Anak-anak ini dah pun menanggung satu beban yang berat disebabkan kesilapan mereka sendiri, janganlah kita menambah lagi penderitaan mereka yang boleh menyebabkan kita kehilangan anak-anak ini.
Pesan mak cik Rose, sekiranya perkara ini terjadi:
- carilah seseorang yang kita rasa dapat membantu kita dengan pemikiran yang positif
- Jangan panik. Cuba berfikir dengan tenang. Jalan yang sebaiknya kalau dapat bernikah dengan teman lelaki tadi. Tapi yang dah bekerja lah. Kalau dia pun baru 17 tahun, masih bermain guli lagi macam mana nak kawin..
- Jalan terbaik adalah mengelakkan hubungan sex dengan teman lelaki sebab akibat daripadanya terlalu banyak. Tak ada satu pun daripadanya yang baik.
- Jangan melakukan sesuatu yang boleh mengancam nyawa sendiri kerana ia tidak membawa kepada apa-apa kebaikan.
Kepada ibubapa pula, kita sama-sama dapat memantau anak-anak:
- Dengan sifat mengambil tahu aktiviti harian mereka. Bagi saya, masa yang paling sesuai untuk saya bersembang secara santai dengan anak-anak perempuan adalah semasa memandu, iaitu semasa kami bertiga sahaja. Tidak ada orang lelaki. Masa inilah saya akan memberi pandangan tentang hal-hal semasa, memberi sedikit panduan mengenai agama dan banyak lagi yang boleh dibualkan secara santai.Selalunya mereka terpaksa mendengar sebab dah tak boleh nak buat apa. Kereta bergerak, radio ditutup, mahu tak mahu terpaksa juga dia orang mendengar. Jadi sedikit sebanyak pesan kita itu akan masuk jugak kedalam kepala mereka sebab dah hari-hari dengar benda yang sama.
- Saya akan menghantar dan mengambil kemana saja mereka nak pergi. Saya juga benarkan mereka keluar dengan teman-teman sekolah walaupun budak lelaki. Ini untuk mengelak mereka daripada berasa terlalu dikongkong.
- Saya membuka ruang kepada mereka untuk memberitahu apa saja didalam fikiran mereka termasuk bercakap mengenai sex walaupun perkara ini agak janggal dan memalukan.
- Saya percayakan anak-anak perempuan saya dan walaupun mereka tidak menutup aurat sepenuhnya tetapi mereka tahu had-had batasan yang boleh dan tidak boleh mereka lakukan.
Saya bukanlah seorang yang terpelajar atau pun seorang yang tinggi ilmu ugamanya, tetapi dengan sedikit kesedaran yang ada, saya ingin kongsikan masaalah yang melanda anak-anak gadis melayu kita dari menjadi lebih parah lagi. Saya juga bukanlah ibu yang sempurna tetapi sekadar ingin bersama-sama memberi panduan kepada anak-anak gadis agar sentiasa peka dengan keadaan disekeliling.
Sekian. Wassalam. Sekali lagi saya ingin memohon maaf dari semua sekiranya tulisan saya ini menyinggung perasaan sesiapa saja diluar sana.
Rose
30th.June '12
SEX AND GIRLS
Hello again to all of you ,
Sekian. Wassalam. Sekali lagi saya ingin memohon maaf dari semua sekiranya tulisan saya ini menyinggung perasaan sesiapa saja diluar sana.
Rose
30th.June '12
SEX AND GIRLS
Hello again to all of you ,
Today, I'd like us to talk about the taboo subject, especially in our country,Malaysia, and that subject is SEX. Before I proceed, I wish to apologize to all the parents who feel that this subject shouldn't be brought up at all or shouldn't be discussed in an open manner like blog or face book. Even though we would never want to bring up the subject unnecessarily in front of the girls, I think it's high time we put aside the uncomfortable feelings whenever this subject was brought up and start educating them as much as we can.
Girls, during our adolescent years, we tend to follow our hearts not our head,hence we will follow what the heart says. There are curiosity, then, wanting to know the unknown and then there is a feeling of love (you may think it's your greatest love of all) towards your boyfriend. This is when the biggest mistake may have taken place. You give in to him.
Girls, during our adolescent years, we tend to follow our hearts not our head,hence we will follow what the heart says. There are curiosity, then, wanting to know the unknown and then there is a feeling of love (you may think it's your greatest love of all) towards your boyfriend. This is when the biggest mistake may have taken place. You give in to him.
Here, I don't wish to talk about the sin we committed when we involved ourselves in sex before marriage as I am positive each and everyone of us are fully aware of this.
What I want to talk about is, let say after we had had sex with our boy friend, we found out that we were pregnant.What am I gonna do? That is a simple and straight forward question. But, really, this is the most crucial time for a girl at a tender age to have to think big about her life and another life inside her.
First she'd panic, then maybe fear, then sadness overcomes the first two and later all mixed emotions come cramping inside her head.
She may by then called her boyfriend telling him about the unfortunate news. The best answer she can get from him was abort the child. Easy for him to say. Already we had committed one of seven biggest sins and now to abort the baby?
In 10 men that is having a relationship with women, maybe two or three would take full responsibility towards their women.So, can we place our hopes on them?
The above is the initial feelings once we realized what had happened.
What about shame? By now we are so ashamed of ourselves and we had caused our parents (especially the Moslem community) the most unspeakable embarrassment they might face in their lives.
A few times, my daughters coming home from school and told me, "Ma, you know there's a girl who got pregnant and they got her sex pictures downloaded in the phone and everybody has access to it."
News like this spread like an open fire. Soon the whole school will talk about it. It makes you walk with your head down. Full of remorse and ashamed of yourselves. You would even think of quitting school. And then what? You lost the better future you may had because you had to leave school earlier than you should.
Who could you turn to should it happen to you? We live in this community where people will talk and insult us and use disparaging remarks that makes you cringe with humiliation. Can we lead our lives as normal as before?
When we tried telling our parents, we would receive a flow of abusive words, words that is sharper than a sword. Father tend to usually be the harshest. As if not enough with his abusive language, some would go to the extreme, by physically abuse, like slapping or kicking their daughters for bringing shame to the family. Worse come to worst, the girls would be chased out from the family.
It is true that our daughters had bring shame to the family but if we too were to turn our back on them, who else is there to help them in their most darkest hour? This is why we see many new-born babies were being thrown into the rubbish bin, left by the river banks, being flushed into the toilet bowl, these despicable manners outraged us but who can we blame. The girls did what they did because at every turn and corner only thing they got is that scornful looks and this could lead them to do what they had done. Together let's think about it!
As parents, we should act rational.Good or bad, they are still our children. Let people talk. We should be protecting our children even though they had hurt us beyond words. Take them to Girls' Shelter that caters for girls in this sort of situation.
They had made mistake and probably had learnt their lessons well, we play our part by being a mom or a dad for them. That should be more than enough for them.
For girls, should it happen to you :
- Find someone who is positive thinking and talk to her/him
- Don't panic. Think calmly. The best way is to marry the guy but if he is just seventeen and jobless and still playing video games, than you are better off without him.
- The best way is to avoid sex with your boyfriend ( wait until you are married)
- Don't do anything foolish that can harm yourself. Remember every problem can be solved.
For parents:
- Find out what is their daily activities. As for me, the best time to talk to them about the birds and the bees and anything in general is when I am driving. Me and my 2 daughters inside the car. I would talk about anything that came to my mind. They had no choice but to listen since the radio is off and the car is moving.
- I would usually send and fetch them to anywhere they want to go. They can go for bowling or movie or have meals with their friend. It can be troublesome at times but at least I know they are safe.
- I let them speak their mind about almost everything they want to know including sex. It is kind of awkward and embarrassing but someone had to do it.
- Last but not least, I trust my children. I know them better than they know themselves. I believe we should show some respect towards children and we'll receive the same if not more from them.
I am not the most educated mother and I am not a highly religious person, but with a little conscience that I have, I'd like to share the thoughts with all about this dilemma which is faced by us all.
That's all for today. Pheww..That's a long one. Hope none of you would stop reading half way through.
Best regards,
Rose
30th.June '12
