Susah ke nak cakap Inggeris/ Is it hard to learn English?

Let's learn English. Today, in our country, it is almost compulsory for each and everyone of us to be able to communicate in English. We started learning this language when we first started school at the tender age of seven. So, why can't still many of us speak this language?

First,I think, we were afraid to make mistake in grammar and that people would laugh at us (through my own experience).
Second, we don't have enough confidence in ourselves. We hesitate and we think too much.
And the third, we'd rather speak in our language because everyone can understand, so why bother.

I too, wasn't bilingual until about seventeen. Oh I can understand the language alright but to speak to another person, I can't. I would usually stammer and then I will revert back to my mother's tongue. Hey kids, just for your information, I started school in 1970 and since I lived with my grandparents I was sent to a Malay school. During that time, there was no kindergarten or a preparatory school like today. I know nothing. I can't do a simple maths or write down my own name, let alone understand the very basic of English. But I salute teachers those days, they were an awesome lot. And mind you, their English was way better than us today. Probably because we were once under British colonization that theirs was a British English. Very proper and polite.
Even my grandpa, a farmer on his own, illiterate as he was, would sometimes use a few English words to remind us of our school work. He'd go like this," How come none of you are reading or doing homework? Open the BOOB and do something with it. Of course what he meant was book but he can't pronounce it properly. And for that matter, so did we. We didn't know then that boob means something else.
So you see, just like many people out there, my English was terrible.

Then, when I was thirteen, I came back to live with my parents. From there, I can see my father will sometime speak English with my other siblings. Both my sisters are fluent and my brothers too, though they were not as fluent as my two sisters. I envy them then and slowly I began to learn on my own. My father read only English newspaper so I had no choice but to read that paper as well. Little by little I began to absorb the pronunciation and to make a sentence. In school, English was my favourite subject. I remembered one day when I was reading my dad's newspaper and  the word "guilty" came out as the first word that I don't understand and how to pronounce it correctly. I looked up in the dictionary and the next day I went to school I asked my teacher how to pronounce "guilty". I was determined to be as good if not better than my sisters.

I was a high school drop out. In Malaysia, our last grade in school would be when we were seventeen. After school, I started working. I got a job as a receptionist in a hotel. It's a beach resort. When it's a beach resort, it only mean one thing. European! Full of them. And what language will they speak? English..at least 50% of them. I am so dead.  Imagine, having just left school and I am to start working at a leading hotel and as a receptionist for that matter, I was kind of terrified. What if the hotel guests were asking too many questions? How would I answer them?
But you know what? The jitters didn't last long. I got my courage after a few months. I will usually listen how they speak (especially the British) and I will then correct my sentence until it became perfect. Even if its a little sentence. To this day, I am still learning.

Mind you, if you are in Malaysia for the first time, don't worry if you don't understand our English. That's because we speak or called it Manglish (Malaysian English). Yes, it's English but it's a mix with Malay, Chinese and Tamil thrown into one sentence. I give you an example, here goes: So expensive one lah this shirt. Ask for cheaper sikit lah from the owner. You know him what. Kowtim lah with him."
Translation: That shirt is pricey. Since you know the owner, why don't you ask for less. Talk to him nicely.
Roughly,that's the translation.
Most of the expat who lives here can understand Manglish. Doesn't matter how it sounds, we understand one way or the other. What I am trying to say is, most Malaysian can speak English but we were so used to speak broken English that we don't really bother to upgrade ourselves to a better English.

Writing, now that's altogether a different story. It's confusing and one need to have a strong determination to master it.I believe everybody would agree with me. I don't know about you people out there, but every time I write I have to re-read like, a hundred time to see if it sounds right or that the grammar was in place.  I would say the best way to write better is to read lots and lots of books or whatever material you can get your hands on. When I was young, I like reading The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew books . (though I don't understand much of the words). Later on when my English became slightly better, I read books by Sidney Sheldon or Barbara Taylor Bradford (I don't know how I ever read mushy stuff). Nowadays I only read books by Jeffrey Archer. Reasons given:- Don't feel like reading much so one author is enough and he's the only author I can truly understand the whole story. I guess this is where I pick up my grammar and how to write better.
One blogger wrote, Just write. Write what people want to read. Don't worry too much about the grammar.
She gave me the courage to write. So everyone, just read my blog. Don't bother much about my grammar. Sooner or later I'll be better!! Yeah.

Just for general information, Malays are the poorest in English between the  three biggest ethnic in Malaysia. (Malays, Chinese and Indian) I don't really know why but most probably because Bahasa Melayu (or Malay language) is the national language so everybody must speak the language. Thus, we took it for granted by not giving much thought to learn a second or third language. What a waste.

I had exposed the children by talking in English to them every now and then since they were little. Now, good for them, they had become confident with themselves and ready to take on the world.
For children out there, be brave, don't be shy. Speak English coz that's the language that can bring you further in life.

Have a safe day. Out for now.
Rose
30th.Oct '12

To Leave or Not To Leave / Dalam Dilema

Salam buat semua kawan-kawan dan pembaca semua!

Saya dah tinggal di Langkawi ni selama 18 tahun. Lama tu. Dah sebati dengan kehidupan di sini. Saya dah sayang sangat dengan tempat ni. Bila keluar ke tanah besar untuk beberapa hari tengok keadaan diluar yang sibuk dengan kenderaan bertali arus dan orang ramai dimerata tempat, saya rasa sesak nafas. Bila sampai ja balik ke Langkawi rasa semua lega sangat. Semasa feri hampir sampai ke pulau ni, kita boleh nampak dah pulau-pulau di sekeliling dan suasana hijau disekeliling. Indahnya pulau ni.

Kenapa saya bercakap tentang pulau ni? Tak tahulah. Mungkin sebab dah terlalu lama disini iaitu dari pertengahan tahun 1990-an dan anak-anak masih terlalu kecil lagi waktu itu.Mungkin ini adalah masa untuk saya berpindah keluar dan menghabiskan sisa-sisa hidup di luar sana.
Waktu itu Langkawi terlalu sunyi walaupun kedua-dua anak lelaki ada bersama. Dibanding dengan Pulau Pinang yang riuh dan sibuk, Langkawi terlalu jaug bezanya. Saya menangis dan berharap suami akan berpindah balik ke Pulau Pinang. Tapi, tu lah sampai sekarang masih di sini.

Untuk menghilangkan rasa sunyi, saya mula mencari kerja dan bernasib baik apabila ditawarkan bekerja dengan syarikat pelancongan Jepun. Bila dah kerja tu, masaalah pulak siapa nak jaga anak. Akhirnya dapat jugak satu family kat seberang jalan tu yang sudi menjaga mereka. Barulah lega dan saya pun baru dapat adjust dengan kehidupan di sini.

Sekiranya kami betul betul berpindah keluar dari sini, saya pasti kami tak akan terlibat lagi dalam pelancongan. Rasanya sepanjang hayat bekerja saya ni, semuanya dalam bidang servis pelancongan. Sampaikan bila bertemu atau bercakap dengan pelancong secara automatik kami tahu apa yang patut dilakukan.

Kita kat Malaysia ni tak ada 4 musim jadi musim kita hanya hujan dan panas sajalah. Sebab tu, kat sini sekarang dah ramai betul mat salleh yang ada boat-boat besar dan yacht suka tinggal disini. Setengah tu siap jual rumah di negara depa dan beli rumah disini. Cantik-cantik pulak tu.
Saya suka dengan sikap dia orang. Kebanyakkan daripada dia orang ni dah berumur 50 tahun keatas, jadi tak banyak commitment dah dalam kehidupan depa. Jadi masa yang banyak terluang tu dia orang guna untuk buat kerja sukarela kat pulau ni. Tak kiralah apa jenis kerja sukarela. Semua dia orang ambik bahagian. Kalau hotel buat walkathon untuk mengumpul derma membantu satu famili yang daif kat sini, depa ikut, kalau hospital bagi talk tentang sakit barah, depa turut terlibat, kalau tentang pencemaran alam pun depa ikut buat.
Kalau kita memang tak ada hari nakbuat macam tu kecuali di arah. Lain sungguh cara hidup depadengan kita.

Kat pulau ni jugak dah ramai mat-mat salleh yang jadikan pulau ni tempat cari makan depa. Ramai yang bukak restaurant tak kiralah jenis restaurant apa. Ada dari Jepun, Arab, India, apatah lagi mat salleh. Ada satu hari tu, suami saya tanya kat sorang mat salleh ni kenapa dia pilih Langkawi. Jawab mat salleh tu, awak cari bagi saya satu pulau yang cantik, selamat, damai dan penduduknya yang ramah, saya akan pindah ke situ. Betul jugak kata dia, jarang kita dengar kejadian bunuh ke, rompak ke, ragut ke atau apapun bentuk jenayah kat pulau ni. Sehinggakan saya selalu biarkan enjin kereta hidup apabila masuk kedalam kedai untuk membeli barang-barang keperluan.

Semua pun tahu kan pulau ni bebas cukai. Chocolat, rokok, minuman keras semuanya pada harga yang murah. Tapi yang paling best harga kereta. Bukan calang-calang kereta pulak tu. Saya selalu ambil Sara balik sekolah dengan wira antik saya tu. Mak bapa yang lain tu, mak ai.. kereta mewah-mewah. Kadang-kadang terasa jugak segan nya bila berbaris disebelah Audi, BMW, Mercedes, jadi esoknya tu saya park jauh sikit dari tempat biasa. Dengan harapan orang tak perasan keantikan kereta saya.

Rasanya sampai disinilah dulu kot untuk blog terkini saya. Tulis panjang-panjang sangat nanti orang baca separuh jalan je. Buat penat menulis ja kan?

Salam dari saya buat semua.
Rose 22nd.Oct '12

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Hello everyone!
Langkawi,my island..no, not really my island but an island I've lived in and learn to love for almost 18 years now. I called it my island coz that's how I feel . This legendary island is breathtakingly beautiful that you can see its beauty even before you land down from your flight. The blue green color of the ocean and the green backdrops of the mountain have made this place a heaven on earth. I sounded poetic. Don't take my word for it. Any one of you should come out here and see it for yourself.

                                                              (KUAH : Main Town)
                                  This picture was taken at about 18:30hrs a few days ago. See what I mean. It
                                   was relatively quiet for a week day. We are about 60% free from the fume pollution.

Why am I talking about this island all of a sudden?I don't know. Maybe we had been living here since the children were still babies and I am feeling nostalgic because maybe, maybe its time to move on. I remembered the time when we moved down here in mid nineties. Everything was so backward and quiet and a big contrast to Penang which is vibrant and lively. Even with the two boys with me, I still feel alone. No friends, no car to move around and nowhere to go. All that the island has to offer was the beach and the rice field at every turn you made. I cried for some time hoping that my husband would change his mind and move back to Penang. But it was not to happen.

 I finally got myself a job with a Japanese travel agency with my office based at one of the leading hotels on this island. I had to find a babysitter to care for my two boys.That got me adjusted to a new life of which I later enjoyed.

If we were to move out of this island, I am certain that we will not be involve in service industry anymore. We had been too long in this industry that sometimes I think our lives revolve around tourists only. We automatically know how to react or behave when talking to them. It's in the blood.

Oh, I wanna share one funny story some time ago when I was confronted by an angry Briton.
He was supposed to go on a short trip with us but he had given his name to another agency. He must have forgotten which agency he'd booked with and assumed we were the one.
At about 10 something am, I saw one middle aged guy walked through the hotel lobby and came to my office. The first thing he said, "I assume I am in the right office as I saw your company's name written outside." I can see the outrage on his face so I softly greeted him and offer him a seat. He refused to seat and I can see trouble coming. He asked me why didn't we pick him up for the half day tour. I asked for his name. He said slowly Mr Mycock and he looked directly at me as if waiting to see my reaction, I think. But I didn't realise the strange name he had then. I asked again for the spelling and he spelled it out for me. Then and only then the name hit me. But the spelling of his name was in one word as in Mycock. It wasn't spelled My Cock. I looked down and wrote religiously on my log book without lifting my head for a few seconds afraid that he might see that I am suppressing the laughter which could erupt any time. I don't know how I contained myself from laughing out loud. I managed to put on the poker face and explained to him that we didn't have his name in our list. Later on he realised that he mistook us with another company. He apologised and walked out. The moment he left, I laughed so hard that everyone around was wondering what was going on with me. I laughed not entirely on his name alone but also the way he came charging in like he was ready for a fight. That was truly hilarious.
There was another incident. My office was located inside the building of this 5 star beach resort. One day, about four or five Australian girls walked into my office in bikinis and parios but shoe-less. I joked at one of them," Whatever happen to your shoes"? All four or five of them turned to look at me alarmed.Then one of them apologetically looked at me and mumbled a soft sorry saying she didn't know that they had to dress well before coming into the office. Silly me! They thought I meant they had to dress well since it's a five star hotel before they can enter any offices or outlets. I laughed and said I was only kidding!  Poor thing.
Oh, how I would miss all these should we chose to take a different path.

                              This is Tanjung Rhu Beach. About 45 minutes away from Thailand

This island is usually warm all year round except for Aug, September & October and some light rain during April & May. But then again the weather is always unpredictable, just like us, human. Since the weather is most of the time hot and sunny, we see many Europeans or those from the Western countries live here in their yacht. Some of them had even bought houses here. I've been to this one English lady's home and it was beautiful. There's one thing I admire about these Westerners. They keep themselves busy by doing volunteering work such as raising money for the unfortunate, keep the island clean and and many other things. They will work alongside any hotels that is funding or raising money for some organizations. We, the locals as usual don't give much thought about this kind of thing.
They love this island just like we do. We met one Australian mariner and ask him why did he choose Langkawi as a stop. His answer was if you can find me another island as beautiful and safe and quiet with people smiling all the time, tell me, then I'll move to that place. Which is true, this island is low in crime rate.  If you move around the island and look closely, you can see many restaurants were own by Japanese, Indian, Arabs, British, Scottish/Irish and many more. Many islanders ended up marrying some of these westerners.

                                                 One of the leading hotels on the island

 You know, this island is a duty free island. Items such as chocolates, cigarettes, liquors and a few other things are way cheaper than in mainland. The best of all is we get to buy luxury car/cars at a steal price. Young boys at the tender age of twenty three or so can afford or can be seen driving a Chevrolet Cruze or a guy at the airport counter is renting his Toyota Alphard for a minimal charge that is arguably the lowest in the country.
Every day except Fridays and Saturdays I will have to fetch Sara from school. While there, waiting inside my car, I can see lines and lines of gleaming luxury cars parked next to my good old Wira, being drove by parents to fetch their children. There were Jaguars, Beamers, Audi and most common are Mercedes. No no no..these cars don't belong to the wealthiest. They are ordinary people like me but like I said earlier since cars are way cheaper here than on mainland, almost everybody owns a car one way or the other.

If we were to move out from this island, we will have to pay the tax difference before we can transport out the vehicles that was bought here. That will be one headache.
Another headache is, where would be the best location? Me? I am a fish person. Don't laugh, this is serious. My daily diet, I must have at least one dish made of fish. Thus, I would very much love to find a place close to the ocean (again?) not because of swimming or sun bathing but because I need fresh fish for my meals everyday. You may be thinking, what a shame. She doesn't swim? Well, I can't imagine me sunbathing. Under that boiling sun? As it is, you won't be able to see me in a dark place and now I am to sit under the sun to get a tan? Thanks but no thanks. I'll stick to my present skin tone.

I better stop now before you guys get bored reading this unending blog.
Ciao for now. Until next time. Have a nice day!

Rose
22nd.Oct '12

The Ups & Downs Of A Life

Good morning to all,

Did you ever wake up one morning and hope that,  that particular day will bring you some good news or much awaited news but the day ended with a lot more head-ache than it did the day before? I am sure everybody had gone through that experience. Bad or good, we still had to face our daily lives faithfully and with true courage.

I,for one, had gone through the bad episodes within my fourty nine years of living more than I could chew. I feel much more open and free to share my stories now after I succeeded in writing about my cancer a few months ago and after I saw my daughter's host parent while in the U.S, Lisa Whaley shared something on her face book. After she posted on her wall, I saw many friends praying and cheering and encouraging her to be strong. That was truly something.

What I am about to write doesn't mean that I am looking for sympathy. I am merely sharing what I, or rather we, had been through for the past few years, and sometimes we needed an internal super force to face the challenge that were thrown onto our face. I was ashamed of our condition then, but I am not now. In fact, I think this is what I can truly say a blessing in disguise.
A few years ago, I was asked by my ex boss, a Japanese man to be his partner in a business he was about to venture in Langkawi. After discussing with my husband, we agreed. It was a success. We did well in the beginning. After a while, he became over ambitious and started to expand the little company a bit too early but slow in making payments to hotels. I warned him about it but he was adamant about expanding. He was in Tokyo whereas I was here. To cut the story short. The company collapsed and my partner vanished from the face of the earth. Left me all alone to pick up the hundreds of thousands of debt with most leading hotels on this island.

My phone never stopped ringing (call from the suppliers and hotels) asking for their dues. I couldn't go out without people asking for their money. When you live in an island, everybody knows everybody.I was clueless as to what should I do next. There were so many worries in my head that I suddenly developed migraine. I had countless of sleepless nights. I was mentally traumatized whenever I heard the phone rang. I tried calling my partner in Tokyo numerous times but I was never lucky. Finally I gave up on calling him.

Things started to turn to its worse when phone stopped ringing. You may think why was that bad? Because by now almost each and everyone involved was getting ready to sue me. Prior to being sued, we had no money left, not even a hundred bucks to our names. All the money that we had was used to pay up some small operators for their services rendered.
I remember, even the children still remember, there were times when we didn't have enough money to buy lunch. We had to scrape everywhere within the house or office searching for some small change to get us a packet of rice, imagine the three of us, as usual Sara, Sophie and me had to share one packet of food among the three of us. My husband will find his own coz he was always on the move. I had left some food at home for the boys. We can't even afford to buy an ice-cream, let alone crave for a Mac D. Many times our utility bills exceeded the due limit and we had to spend overnight with total blackness because it was left unpaid. It was embarrassing having to call friends and relatives asking for their help to lend us an advance. Even though they didn't know how deep our problem was, they still lend a helping hand. I was forever grateful to those who had been there when we were at our lowest. I was especially forever grateful to our lawyer friend, Izzat, who had been by our side helping both with financial aid and legal matters never asking anything for return and  never charged us for services provided by him. Thank you.

Then, after about a year later, upon returning home from our office I saw a letter on the side desk. A brown envelop and it looked official. To me, brown envelop was never a good news. I called my husband and together we read the letter. I didn't get to finish the letter. I was dumbfounded. I sat myself quietly and so did my husband. It was an auction letter. They were to auction our house. The house that we both had bought with our sweat and hard earned money.
Both of us were totally quiet raking our heads trying to find an explanation to this current catastrophe.
We went to the respective bank and asked to give us some time and to consider the situation that we are in. It was no use. They had made the decision and wouldn't budge an inch unless we pay the amount that was fixed by them. As expected, we lost the house.

Right..what do we do now. By now, everything was happening way too fast to swallow. The next thing we knew,  I was to appear in court being sued by our suppliers. I guess at that moment you can call me dead man walking. I breathe but I don't know if I was alive. Bad news came one after another. Someone told me, you have to give priority to the most crucial matter. Okay, that was a sound advise but which one should I prioritized. Everything was crucial at that moment.

Again, we survived the disaster. The worst has yet to come. I am at the verge of losing my mind. But we came through the ordeal like a newborn baby. We start our lives with a new hope.
Then, last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My world collapse right in front of my eyes. By now, I've lost for words to describe how I feel about it. Like I wrote earlier in my blog, I worried about my children. But after some time, I came bouncing back to my normal self. That is me.
 
Everything was taken away from us. We faced the challenge with what little hope we had within us. Both my husband and I informed the children about our situation. They accepted it like an adult. I remembered the day we told them, it was within Ramadhan month and "Eid" or Hari Raya was just around the corner. We even can't afford to bake any cookies during that time. The children never even asked for  new dresses or shirts for that year's Eid.
To this day, the children will buy whatever they want such as their I-Pads or cell phones using their own money. I will only chipped in a little to round it up. We stick together like strong glue. We live in a smaller house now but we are way happier than before. They lead their lives the way it should be and we, my husband and I will always be behind them to guide from wrong to right and that applied to us as well.
As for my Japanese partner, I don't abhor any bad feelings towards him anymore as, hey..look on the bright side, I got to speak some Japanese while with him.

So, you see, not everything bad is bad for us. It makes us appreciate what life really is and we know the strength of our beings.
Someone once had chided me "You are pathetic". That was one of the words that has made me a strong person to this day. It sounded harsh and it did but I took hold of that word like a charm to my life.
I wish to add a little bit more, to all of you out there, who may have shared the same difficult life as I did, don't lose hope, don't let it bring you down, you fight back, fight hard and you will believe there's always a silver lining behind every cloud. And it's worth your while.

Out for now.
Rose
15th.Oct '12

My Family

Assalamualaikum semua,

Semenjak saya mula menulis blog pada Mei tahun ni sampai sekarang, saya mendapat pembaca hampir 2000 orang. Agak menggalakkan. Perlahan tapi menggalakkan. Jadi saya rasa, saya ingin mengenalkan diri  dan juga ahli keluarga saya yang telah sama-sama berkongsi kesedihan dan kepahitan hidup dan juga ketawa bersama ketika gembira.

Keluarga kami ada enam orang. Suami saya, dua orang anak lelaki dan dua anak perempuan. Seperti jugak dengan keluarga-keluarga lain, mereka masing-masing mempunyai personaliti berbeza. Saling lengkap melengkapi.

Kita mula dengan suami saya. Agak segak orangnya kalau diambil kira umurnya yang dah masuk lima puluh satu tahun. Tak banyak cakap. Saya yang selalu banyak cakap. Kadang-kadang tu bila saya cerita apa-apa, saya tak tahu samada dia suka ke tak ke sebab tak dak respon. Habis2 pun dia senyum dengar saya cerita.
Dia tak suka kalau ada apa-apa pertukaran plan. Orangnya sentiasa kemas.
Satu yang saya suka, saya tak payah susah hati nak kemas rumah. Bab-bab tu memang dia rajin.
Dia punya minat tengok bola. Bagitau lah apa saja, EPL ka, Barclays ka, Piala Malaysia ka, apa-apa yang involve bola, dia nanti tengok. Saya masam muka kadang2 pasal ni. Boring asik tengok 20 orang dok hambat bola yang satu tu. Yang goalkeeper 2 orang tu pandai, Depa tak hambat bola, depa tunggu bola mai.
Dulu dia pemain tennis yang hebat. Kami pernah sama-sama masuk pertandingan di Penang lama dulu, mix double tapi tak menang pun. Tapi sekarang dia dah minat langsung nak main apa-apa pun. Tak tahu pasal apa. Mungkin sebab umur dah meningkat kot.

Lepas tu, anak sulung saya, Ariff. Umur 23 tahun. Yang ni kerja kat hotel lima bintang kat Langkawi. Bahagian pastri. Yang buat kek,roti semua tu. Kalau kat tempat kerja dengar kata hebat bukan main. Suruh buat kek sebiji kat rumah, harap sajalah. Tak pernah nampak. Bila suruh, dia sengih. Yang tu ja lah.
Tapi saya dan adik2 perempuan dia suka share lawak kami dengan dia, sebab dia kalau gelak dengan sepenuh hati. Tak kira lah lawak tu lucu ka dak. Jadi kami selalu tertunggu-tunggu nak cerita dengan dia pasal lawak yang kami saja rasa lucu, sebab kalau dia start gelak satu block taman kami boleh dengar suara dia.
Dia juga meminati fotograpi. Dah jadi semi -pro dah dalam gambar landscape. Sekarang dia jadikan hobi ni sebagai salah satu cara cari duit poket.
Dia punya Bahasa Inggeris kurang sikit. Kalau cakap pun dia guna broken English. Kami selalu usik dia pasal hal tu. Dia dengan selamba cakap, mama tak boleh faham sebab dia cakap German English. Apapun, saya tabik semangat dia sebab berani bercakap dengan mat-mat salleh kat hotel ataupun dengan kawan-kawan dia dari luar negara. Orang melayu kena berani. Yeayy..Ariff

Anak nombor dua pun lelaki juga, Ahmad Soffian, 20 tahun. Macam mana nak describe yang sorang ni. Dia ni boleh dikatakan bad boy dalam famili. Ada saja benda yang dia buat bagi jantung saya terhenti. Dulu masa sekolah kalau phone saya berbunyi, saya nampak nombor sekolah yang keluar, takut ooi nak angkat. Sebab dah tahu mesti ada benda yang dia dah buat.
Dia kalau tak ada masaalah pun dia cari masaalah. Orang lain punya masalah dia pulak yang melebih nak tolong. Macam baru-baru ni, dia bergaduh dengan satu budak. Budak tu bukan cari pasal dengan dia pun. Dengan kawan baik dia. Dia pulak yang tolong cover kawan. Habis tu macam mana..
Dia ni rupa ada la juga. Budak-budak perempuan suka sangat dengan dia. Tapi saya rasa bukan rupa dia kot yang dia orang suka sangat tapi perangai nakal dia tu.
Apa pun saya nak orang tau, walaupun perangai dia macam tu tapi keluarga tetap dia ambik berat. Baik untuk adik-adik dia maupun saya.Jadi, saya tak pernah terkilan membesarkan dia dengan cara yang telah saya besarkan. Suatu hari nanti, bila dah ada anak isteri dia sendiri akan merubah dirinya..InsyaAllah.

Anak yang ketiga, nama dia Sophie. Umur lapan belas. Sedang belajar di kolej berhampiran Kuala Lumpur. Pada sesiapa yang selalu membaca blog saya tentu dah agak familiar dengan dia sebab selalu bersama saya.Banyak orang cakap (terutamanya mak2 sedara saya dan juga kawan-kawan lama) rupa dia seiras saya masa muda-muda dulu. Bukan tu saja, malah banyak persamaan dalam perangai kami. Senang menangis, terlebih sensitif, selalu nak cuba senangkan hati orang,suka menghabiskan masa dirumah, cepat mempelajari bahasa dan mudah terasa.
Yang ni orangnya yang paling feminin di dalam famili kalau dibandingkan dengan adiknya Sara dan saya. Kami ni agak kasar. Nampak lembut tapi hatinya berani. Saya tahu dia akan dapat menghadapi hidupnya lebih elok daripada saya.
Kalau dia ada di rumah, dilayannya saya macam anak-anak kecil. Terbalik pulak. Kalau nak cari barang yang tak boleh jumpa dalam rumah, dialah orangnya. Kalau dia tak ada saya patah tangan.
Dia suka belajar. Saya tak pernah dengar orang suka belajar (dalam famili kami). Agak ganjil tapi ganjil yang bagus.

Yang terakhir adalah anak perempuan saya, Sara namanya. Umur 16 tahun, masih belajar dalam tingkatan empat. Macam mana saya nak describe tentang dia? Ehmm..okay, dia ni macam doktor in-house merangkap PA saya la. Selalu check saya makan ubat tak. Dia kira ubat saya takut saya tipu. Dia check bila appointment saya yang seterusnya.
Kadang-kadang, waktu malam bila saya tak dapat tidur, saya panggil dia minta gosok belakang dan nyanyikan lagu apa-apa untuk saya. Dia pun akan gosok dan nyanyi dengan suara yang mendatar. Tak pa, janji saya dapat tidur. Betul :)) saya dapat tidur.Sesapa nak cuba di rumah silakan. Minta anak pulak manjakan kita. Asik kita ja yang memanjakan mereka. Sesekali apa salahnya.
Dia ni jenis yang teliti, terlalu teliti. Semua benda harus seperti yang sepatutnya.Tetapi ada sesuatu yang saya risau pasal dia. Dia tak suka bertemu atau berada ditempat ramai orang yang kurang dikenalinya. Dia tak suka nak share perasaan walaupun dengan teman baik dia. Saya kata dengan dia, dia boleh jadi "psychopath". (Maaf, saya tak dapat cari maksud yang sesuai dalam bahasa melayu). Dia kata saya lebih-lebih. Psychopath ke tak, dia tetap doktor in house saya.

Saya..macam mana pulak nak describe tentang diri saya. Saya sayangkan keluarga saya lebih dari segala-galanya. Saya sanggup buat apa saja demi mereka.
Saya ni seorang yang "private" sikit. Saya suka bersendirian. Memanglah kita suka kalau semua ada dirumah dan berkumpul ramai-ramai tapi ada kalanya saya suka berada berseorangan dirumah. Saya ada masa untuk diri saya sendiri. Walaupun begitu, saya boleh bergaul dengan sesiapa saja (tak seperti Sara) dengan ramahnya.
Dulu saya gemar melakukan aktiviti outdoor tapi sekarang dah terbatas. Bila dah terbatas, kita jadi malas, bila dah malas, langsung tak buat.
Saya suka duduk dirumah. Memasak, menjaga mereka TETAPI, saya langsung tak boleh menjahit.Ahh, bahagian tu, pandai-pandai depa la. Baik anak-anak, baik suami saya. Kalau koyak sikit ke, tercabut benang ke, dia orang sendiri kena bawa pergi ke kedai jahit.

Itu lah kami. Macam yang saya katakan diawal blog tadi. Kami saling melengkapi satu sama lain. Tiada yang lebih, tiada yang kurang. Alhamdulilah dengan apa yang telah Allah kurniakan kepada kami sekeluarga. Amin.

Rose
8th.Oct '12
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Good afternoon and hi to all,

Since I started blogging last May to this day, I've gained followers from a few readers to a couple of thousand readers. That surely is encouraging. Slow but encouraging. And I think since I am gonna write more, especially about my life and current issues, I'd like to introduce all these lovely people that has shared my darkest hour, cried with me on my saddest day and laugh with me during my happiest moments. They're my family.

There are six of us. My husband, my two boys and the two girls. As in every family, each and every one of them has their own distinctive personalities. And each and every one of them too, had complement each other perfectly.

Let's start with my husband. Good looking for a guy who is fifty one. He is a man of few words. I've become used to his company but sometimes I really don't know if he's listening or interested in the story I am telling  since I didn't get any reaction from him. He talks very little and he doesn't like changes in his daily schedule.  Very immaculate. One thing I like, I don't have to worry about cleaning up the house. Come to think of it, I hardly sweep or vacuum the floor. He's the one who does all these. Football is his passion but he doesn't seem to get involve in any sports nowadays. He was a good tennis player years ago. We even participate as a mixed double in one competition even though we didn't make it to the semi finals. He was into all sorts of sports and games. I miss the old him. Where did it go? Maybe age is catching up on him or us.

Then, my eldest son, he is twenty three. My gentle and mild mannered son. He is working at one of the leading hotels on the island as a pastry cook. You know, someone who is good at baking/making cakes, cookies, breads etc..etc..But I've never tasted a cheese cake or cookies, for that matter, baked by him at home. I pestered him a few times to bake some for me and all I got was that sheepish smile. Okay, I give up. But we, the girls love to share our silly jokes with him because he got that booming laugh and laugh at our silly jokes (sometimes the joke was not funny at all ) wholeheartedly.
He is also into photography. Landscape photography. He's quite good at it and free lancing it for his side income.
He is slightly poor in English. We always tease him about his broken English but he'll retaliate by saying he's speaking German and that is why it's different from the way we speak. Whatever it is, I salute him for not being shy to speak English to hotel guests or colleagues or anyone that speak to him in this language. That's the spirit. Way to go Ariff..

My second child, again a boy, twenty years of age. Soffian is his name. Okay, where do I start with him. Shall I say the bad boy in the family? He is always in trouble. If the trouble didn't come to him, he will go and find trouble. Just a few days ago he picked up a fight with some guy because that guy was taunting his good friend about who fights better. See what I mean. He went to look for trouble. That fight doesn't involve him. When he was still in high school, I dreaded to pick up the phone whenever I saw the school's phone number appeared on screen. It was never a good news(I kept the school number). There's another thing I noticed, girls are crazy about him. I don't deny he got looks but there's something else, I think that bad boy characteristic made the girls wanted to be seen with him.  Bad as he may seem, he is easy to love. He cares for us like we are his life. When the girls were not around, he'll be around at home checking on me, see if I am fit to be left alone. He doesn't have great sense of humour like his brother and he doesn't bother what people think or say about him because he is who he is. Still,I am glad I brought him up the way I did. He's precious.  

Next, came my third child, Sophie. For those who reads my blog, I am sure by now you are familiar with her name. Many people (especially my aunts and old friends) said that she looked exactly like I did years ago. Not only that, she has all the same traits as I do. She cries easily, very sensitive, always trying to please people, a home person and pick up languages easily. There's one thing that  differs us. She's very feminine whereas I am not. We think alike, we look alike??, and we get along superbly. Don't get fooled by that soft voice. She has a heart strong like a rock. She's only eighteen. She'll fair well in her life. Oh yes, of that I am sure.
 An intelligent and sensible girl. I see no flaws in her. She will fuss over me like I am a little girl when at home.
 She is now studying in a college somewhere near Kuala Lumpur. The funny thing is, I never heard (from within my family) anyone said they like studying. She said she likes studying. I find it kind of weird. A good weird though. As for me, I hate the thought of having to sit for exams or the sight of text books being cramped onto your desk. P/S : Don't get dampen by what mama wrote, Pipi.. You did good.

The last is my baby girl, a sixteen year old Sara. Right, how do I describe her? My in-house doctor. And rightfully so too. That's what she wants to be, a doctor. She will check and count my medicine in case I cheated. I hate taking medicine. She will remind me of my next appointment date.
At time when sleep denies me, I will ask her to rub my back and sing me any song and she did in that monotone voice of hers. Singing is not her league. Giggle.. but it worked. Honestly, it worked. Some of you should try it once in a while. Instead of us tucking them to sleep, why not they tuck us to sleep for a change. She is an accurate or shall I say a precise person. Everything must be in accordance to what it should be.
Like her sister, she is good in her studies. But there's something I worry about her. She can't connect herself to people. She shies away from people. At home, she is a chatter-box but once we are surrounded by people that she is not familiar with, she'll clamp up. She doesn't share feelings even with her closest friend. I once told her that she'll make a good psychopath material. She said I was way overboard. I said it's true. Look up anywhere, be it in books or surf through the internet, those psychopaths keep to themselves a lot, don't have friends, don't share feelings with others.. all these, you have it in you. And she said I was overboard. You are scaring me, Sara.
Psychopath or no psychopath, she will always be my in house doctor (psychopath?). Without her to drill me, I don't know where I will be now.

And as for me, I love my family more than my life. I will take any bullet for them anytime.
I am a very private person. Likes to keep to myself. I don't mind being left alone every now and then. I am good with people. I can relate to them and unlike Sara, even though I am a private person, I can say that I am at ease when surrounded by people.
 I used to enjoy being involved in outdoor activities but now I had to restrict myself from overdoing it. So, I become a home person. A home person who cooks for her family, care for them but never, never sew or mend a broken shirt. I am hopeless. For that, they will have to find their own tailor or mend it themselves.

So folks, like I said earlier in this blog,we complement each other with different personalities.
That's all for now. If anyone out there wish to get to know me or wish to exchange note, you are welcome to drop me an email at roserahim63@gmail.com

Bye for now,
Rose 6th.Oct '12

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Using My Sickness To My Benefit

Sekali lagi salam untuk semua yang sudi membaca blog saya,

Saya baru saja balik dari Penang untuk rawatan susulan terakhir di sana. Lega selega-leganya. Kata doktor cantik tu, buat masa sekarang barah saya nampak dah sembuh. Tapi buat masa sekarang. Itu yang tak sedap dengar tu. Dia kata lagi, jangan terlalu fikirkan hal ini dan jangan runsing. Hemm..itulah yang saya buat sekarang, cuba happy selalu tapi benda-benda macam ni mana boleh kita nak letak ditepi ya dak?

Saya ni seorang yang ambik mudah sesuatu perkara. Selalunya saya tak terlalu memikirkan pasal penyakit saya ni. Kawan-kawan atau saudara mara yang jumpa saya kata saya nampak sihat, gembira dan boleh melawak lagi. Memang saya begitu. Saya tak mau terlalu serius dalam hidup. Ia akan merosakkan perspektif saya mengenai hidup ini. Saya dah set dalam minda saya akan teruskan hidup saya selagi Allah Ta'ala izinkan dengan hati yang terbuka. Risau terlebih pun bukannya boleh buat apa. Satu hari nanti kita akan pergi jua menemui dia. Duit berkarung pun tak boleh nak buat apa.

Saya ni kalau sedih sekejap saja. Nanti kalau ada sesuatu yang buat saya tergelak, saya okay lah balik. Semua benda saya jadikan bahan jenaka. Anda tau tak? Kadang2 saya gunakan penyakit saya untuk kepentingan diri. Teruskan membaca.. Ini terjadi tahun lepas sebelum doktor mengesahkan yang saya menghidap kanser. Saya baru balik dari hospital selepas temujanji dengan doktor pakar. Saya sorang masa tu. Anak-anak ke sekolah. Saya ni jenis yang memang tak suka pakai tali-pinggang keledar. Dah berpuluh kali anak2 perempuan saya marahkan saya sebab hal tu. Dan dah berkali juga saya ditahan dan disaman sebab tak pakai benda alah tu. Oh, dah melencong ke lain pulak saya. Okay, masa sedang memandu tu, saya teringat nak kena bayar bil-bil semasa lalu saya lajak terus ke bank di Kuah. Setelah selesai, saya masuk dalam kereta, terus pandu nak pergi bayar bil-bil tadi. Sebaik saya pusing saja ke kiri, saya nampak polis trafik sedang menggawang tangannya kearah saya memberi isyarat suruh saya berhenti ditepi.
Allah, saman lagi la nampaknya. Sekejap kemudian dia berjalan kearah saya. Dia bagi salam dan terus tanya," Cik tahu ke kenapa saya tahan ni?" Saya cakap, ya saya tahu, sebab tak pakai tali.
Dia kata lagi, kalau macam tu saya kena saman ni. Otak saya sedang laju memikirkan cara nak lepaskan diri.
Tiba-tiba saya teringat akan keadaan saya. Pegawai tu baru berpusing nak tulis saman. Cepat-cepat saya keluar dari kereta dan saya kata, "Encik, saya baru balik dari hospital tadi. Saya ni ada penyakit barah (time ni belum confirm pun lagi yang saya ada barah) Pegawai tu pandang saya antara nak percaya atau tidak. Kalau encik tak percaya saya boleh tunjukkan surat doctor. Dia pandang saya lagi, lepas tu dia kata, "Baiklah, saya takkan saman awak tapi saya ambil nombor kereta awak untuk rujukan". Saya tak tahu apa maksudnya dengan rujukan tapi say boleh tersenyum lebar sebab tak jadi di saman.

Tengahari tu bila semua ada dirumah, saya ceritakan hal tadi kepada mereka. Seperti biasa, Sara, tidak suka dengan apa yang saya dah buat. Dia kata, mama ni, benda macam ni pun ma nak buat main. Doctor belum sahkan lagi mama dah pandai2 buat kesimpulan sendiri.(Untuk pengetahuan semua, walaupun belum disahkan doctor waktu itu, saya dah dapat rasa yang ia adalah kanser)
Lagipun, saya dapat selamatkan 300 ringgit tu daripada bayar saman, dapat juga saya beli barang dapur untuk stok sebulan.
Sekarang ni baru saya tahu yang Sara takutkan dengan result yang kami semua belum tahu lagi. Dia mengharapkan yang ianya bukannya kanser. Yang saya pulak, bercakap dengan orang yang tak dikenali seolah-olah ia sesuatu yang biasa dibualkan.

Selepas tu ada satu lagi insiden. Ini saya lakukan sebab saya geram dengan sipemanggil ni. Cara percakapan dia tu macam nak tunjuk dia berkuasa sangat. Lebih kurang begini, "Puan Rosni. Ini saya dari .... Saya nak tau bila Puan boleh jelaskan ansuran puan yang tertunggak tu." Saya cakap tak tau lagi. Nanti bila ada duit saya cuba sikit-sikit dulu. Lepas tu dengan suara yang tegas dia sambung lagi, "Oh kami tak boleh terima sikit-sikit. Puan perlu membayar secara penuh." Secara penuh? Saya fikir sendirian. Mana nak cari duit nak bayar penuh. Mangkuk betul la dia ni. Ini dalam fikiran saya ya, saya tak kata kat dia mangkuk. " Puan, macam mana? Saya jawab, saya tak boleh nak bayar semua. Kalau sikit-sikit tu.. Belum habis saya cakap dia dah potong cakap saya. Dia kata tak boleh. Sambungnya lagi, kalau pun tak langsaikan dalam minggu ni, kami akan bawa puan dan ibu puan ke mahkamah. Mendengar dia sebut ibu saya, saya hampir tergelak kuat2. Macam mana la dia nak bawa ibu saya ke mahkamah. Mak saya dah meninggal lebih kurang setahun lalu. Semoga Rohnya dirahmati Allah.
"Macam mana Puan?" Saya dengar dia bersuara lagi. Saya jawab, "macam ni lah. Kalau awak nak bawa saya ke mahkamah, silakan.Tapi awak tinggalkan ibu saya sebab dia dah tak ada. Sikit hari lagi mungkin saya pulak menyusul. Dia terdiam sekejap. Selepas tu dia bertanya,"Apa maksud puan akan menyusul?" Saya kata, "saya ni pesakit barah, jadi saya tak tau hayat saya sampai bila. Jadi macam saya katakan tadi, kalau awak nak saman saya, samanlah saya sorang."

Saya agak terkejut bila dia cakap maafkan saya. Saya akan bercakap dengan orang atasan saya mengenai pembayaran balik puan. Kesian dia. Mungkin dia ingat dia dah keterlaluan dengan saya, sebenarnya tidak. Dia hanya menjalankan tugas. Cuma saya tak suka cara dia memulakan perbualan itu.

Jadi, itulah sedikit sebanyak apa yang saya lakukan didlam keadaan saya ini . Saya cuma nak tengok tindak balas atau reaction orang lain terhadap situasi semasa. Rasa lucu pun ada. Dari sini kita dapat melihat manusia dizaman mana sekalipun masih punya rasa belas kasihan dan kasih sayang sesama kita. Cuma di dalam dunia material sekarang ni, kita dah agak lupa untuk membuat kebaikan.

Okaylah. Dah tengahari pun. Nak keluar lunch kejap. Hari ni tak masak. Anak2 semua tak dak tinggal kami dua orang ja.

Selamat makan tengahari,
Rose
3rd.Oct '12
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Hi everyone,

Just got back from Penang for my final appointment with the oncologist. Huge relieves! The doctor told me that I am clean (from any suspicion of cancer recurrence) for the time being. For the time being? That doesn't sound promising. She told me not to worry about it and enjoy life. Well..that's what I am doing right now but that wouldn't and couldn't take my mind off the situation I am in.

I am easy with myself. I don't give much thought about this cancer thing. Friends told me that I look healthy and happy and funny. Yes,I am all of the above. I don't delve into things I don't like too deeply coz it will spoil the perspective I had on life. My perspective had been set that I will live my life come what may. My life was never a great one but I wouldn't have it any other way. Just like my looks. I love my crooked nose but then again,I wouldn't mind if I am a few shades lighter. Well,no one's perfect.

I take things easy. One moment I was down, the next I am up and about. You guys know something? I even use my sickness to manipulate to my advantage. Don't judge me yet. Read on , please.. It happened last year when I was about to be diagnosed. I was driving back from hospital after my scheduled appointment. Then I remembered that I had to pay some bills. So I headed straight to the bank. I am a person who never liked to put on the safety belt. The two girls were always upset with me because of this. I will give a thousand and one excuses just to not wearing it. Okay, right after the bank, I got back inside the car, started it and since I was alone , I drove off without putting the safety belt. Suddenly, what do you know, just right at the first turn, a traffic officer was waving his hand signalling me to stop aside. My mind was working frantically.( F.Y.I:- I was stopped and given tickets a couple of times because of this offence. Guess I never learnt my lesson)
He slowly walked towards me and asked  if I knew why did he stop me. I answered quietly, yes I know. I didn't put my seat belt on. He then went on. In that case I will have to write out a fine. At first I just nod my head, then it came to me. I got out from the car as he was about to write out the ticket and said, "Excuse me officer, I er, actually I just came from the hospital. I got cancer. My chest hurt if I were to put on the belt." My heart was pounding fast. Will he buy my story? He looked at me with the looks that said should I believe you. I quickly added, "I got  a letter inside my purse if you want to see it".
Then, he slowly push his pen inside his pocket and said to me, "ok, I will let you go but I will write down your car registration number for my reference." Whatever that is, I thank him quickly and slid inside my car with a big sigh.

That afternoon, I told the story to my family and as usual, Sara was upset with me. Why do you have to do that? You don't even know if it's really cancer (that was then). I did that because it saved me 300.00 ringgit. I could stock up my kitchen for at least a month stock. Don't you think it's wise? Now I knew why she was angry. She was afraid of the unknown. She was hoping against all hopes that it wasn't cancer and I, selfish of me,was using it as if I am sharing some weather news with a friend.

There was another incident. I was a few months late of paying car installment. One day a guy called. With a formal voice he starts, "Madam Rosni, you are a few months late with your installment. When can you make the payment in full?" In full? That will be a lot. I said I don't know. Maybe after I got some money, I will. He was persistent and not happy with my answer. Is so and so your mother? He read out my mother's name. I said yes. "Okay.. if you didn't pay within this week, we will have to issue a letter to you and your mother to appear in court. I was chuckling to myself on the other side of the line. They were to bring my mom to court?  How could she go? She had passed away a year ago but I didn't tell the guy. He went on, "so what's your option? With full seriousness, I said, go ahead. Sue me, bring me to court except that you can't bring my mother along as she has been dead already. I will follow suit maybe not too long from now. The line was quiet for a while. I thought he hung up, then he went on, what do you mean that you won't be long? I  chuckled again. I said, I mean I might die in a month or two coz I got cancer. I didn't pay you accordingly because of this. If you need to sue me, please go ahead as I can't pay you the full amount you want me to.
To my surprise he mumbled a " I am sorry to hear that. I'll talk to my superior." Poor fellow. He must have thought that he might have been too hard on me. He wasn't. He was just doing his job.

So, there. It was kind of funny that I am using my sickness to my advantage but I wasn't lying either. I just wanted to see the reaction from people around. It shows that people still care about others.

Okay, need my beauty sleep now. It's 10:30pm. Yeap, I sleep early and rise early. Keep me energize. Can't afford to lose my sleep or I'll be cranky the whole day. Good nite everyone!

** P/S : Hey guys, would appreciate if any one of you would leave some kind of comments. Let me know what I need to do to improve my blog or about the chosen topic. Anything..

Rose
2th.Oct '12